I couldn't agree less that anorexia has robbed me of so many things in life. It took away some things and caused other things. Let's see if I can list
50 ways that anorexia has screwed my life up :
1. Anemia. Low red blood count.
2. Low blood pressure when I was at my lowest weight
3. Liver problems due to malnutrition
4. A hurting butt when I sit for too long
5. A body that gets numb or pain sometimes when I wake up because of my sleeping position and absence of fatty tissue as a cushion.
6. Panic attacks when people talk about food. Thankfully a lot less now.
7. Missing free pizza and cake treats.
8. Avoiding birthday parties and gatherings with friends and family.
9. Money for my outpatient treatment.
10. Time by having to go to see psychiatrists.
11. A closet of clothes that are in totally good condition but I can't wear because I lost too much weight and they became too big.
12. Not being able to buy pretty dresses because skeletons don't look nice in dresses.
13. Not being able to buy skirts because they're too big and / or not nice on bony people.
14. Limited choices of clothes because some clothes will make you look even thinner and scarier.
15. Unwanted states by strangers.
16. Teachers coming up to you every other day to ask if you're eating well.
17. Getting judged as too healthy and no fun.
18. Portraying yourself as a total freak because of your ed habits like picking at food.
19. Inflexibility of time because you follow food rules which restrict your meal times.
20. Wasting time researching on calories.
21. Unable to focus when studying because your mind is just thinking about food.
22. Isolation from even your closest friends.
23. Causing you to doubt your friends because you think they're "competing" with you to be thinner.
24. Not hanging out with people because you don't want to eat with them.
25. Being judged by food stall owners for walking to and fro infront of their stalls because you're contemplating if you should eat that.
26. Can't buy clothes when you're at this weight because they don't have the size.
27. Can't buy clothes now because after recovery you'd need new clothes. (And you'd look better in them too)
28. Disappointing your parents.
29. Disappointing yourself.
30. Getting banned by the doctor from exercising for 2 months. (Sheesh)
31. Not being able to go for floorball trainings and thus becoming more distant with your team mates.
32. Classmates asking you why you're on long term "medical leave", creating an awkward situation.
33. Having to lie to cover my illness.
34. Being paranoid about everyone knowing about my illness.
35. Having to have your parents worry about you everyday.
36. Having other people to need to "take care" of you.
37. Feeling annoyed for no reason sometimes.
38. Horrible mood swings in which make you seem insane because you can be super high and super low.
39. People being afraid of you because you seem so scary when your mood swings or when you're annoyed.
40. People treating you differently because you look fragile physically and emotionally.
41. Not given equal opportunities because you look too weak to do certain stuff. (Like going for a marathon with your class)
42. Feeling awful for blaming your friends for being triggering although they don't mean it.
43. Feeling guilty for hiding your illness.
44. The social stigma of being anorexic or having a psychological illness.
45. The torturous conflicts between your ED and your conscience.
46. The wasted life during your ED.
47. The wasted time you could've enjoyed your favourite foods.
48. Loosing your identity and feeling lost.
49. The period of your life wasted eating yucky foods you didn't like just because it's low in calories.
50. Having to go through the painful (but 101% worth) recovery journey if I didn't have anorexia in the first place I wouldn't even have to go through this battle.
Yeap, so there. 50 ways anorexia screwed up my life. Please don't be pro-ana, it's not worth at all. What do you want to achieve in the end? There's only one outcome for "successful" anorexics, death. It's a life and death thing literally.
You either choose anorexia (which is like an euphemistic way of sugar coating death) or recovery (which is living and ENJOYING life; not merely surviving)
