Alternatives to self-harm

Hello!

Well today's gonna be a little different because yeah, it's not about eating habits but rather more on self harm and depression and mood. Many of us actually do have depression coupled with our eating disorder because it's all linked. Well, in my opinion, the eating habits are the easier ones to tackle while the depression... It's gonna be a little harder because you can force feed someone but you cant force them to be happy.

So I know there are lots of posts on this topic but really how many actually do work? Well I've collated some I think is more effective (rather than like "read a book", I mean really how's that gonna help remove your emotions?)

ALTERNATIVES TO RELEASE YOUR EMOTIONS : 

1. Crush paper
2. Squeeze a stress ball
3. Punch your pillow
4. Play basket ball
5. Run or Jog
6. Play a game that pisses you off even more (Well it works for me. I end up laughing)
7. I once made a cardboard doll and harmed it instead of myself....

Ok I've got nothing much. But channel your ENERGY to something that requires physical movement. That will be your outlet. I mean yeah maybe reading a book works for some but when I get mad or upset I feel really really restless and I need to move about or do something that requires movement or I'll just like explode. 

Either way, whenever you want to self harm remember that the scars won't look nice. Remember your clean days streak. Think of how your parents and friends won't want you to do that. Think how will self harming help you in your problems? All you need is an outlet, and self harming isn't a solutions, self harming is your outlet. But choose another outlet because self harming is not worth it. And most importantly if you believe in the bible,

Leviticus 19:28New International Version (NIV) : “‘Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the Lord.1 Corinthians 6:19-20New International Version (NIV) : Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price.Therefore honor God with your bodies.

Feeling Fat?

What do you do when you feel fat? WATCH THIS ♥

Edema (Water Retention) and Gaining Weight Too Fast

aRTICLE fROM youretopia.COM(http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2012/5/22/edema-the-bane-and-blessing-of-the-recovery-process.html)

Personal Review : I thought I'd share this article with you guys because it really helped me alot. There is NO way you'd gain like 3kg in a week I swear. But it's hard to explain why its not possible. Well after reading this aticle I think it really explains everything :-) Hope you guys'll gain from this article too! 

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EDEMA: THE BANE (AND BLESSING) OF THE RECOVERY PROCESS

TUESDAY, MAY 22, 2012 AT 10:35PM EMAIL ARTICLE PRINT ARTICLE

PERRY WILSON: FLICKR.COM

Water retention. Massive water retention. Water retention that hurts. Water retention that aches. Water retention that makes you look pregnant. Water retention that looks like it might be real weight. Water retention that adds 16 lbs. or more on the scale after only 2-3 days of eating recovery guideline amounts of food. Water retention that scares you. Water retention that sends you scurrying back into full-blown relapse.

After being immersed in all things restrictive eating disorders for coming up on three years now, I would have to say this is likely the number one source of anxiety for those in recovery. In this post I will synthesize the things you do and don’t do to manage this tough symptom of recovery and repair.

DIOFINK: FLICKR.COM

NUMBER ONE: BE PREPARED

The best way to handle the experience of edema is to know ahead of time what to expect. 

In this section we will look at sub-optimal food intake, upping the intake to optimal amounts, your relationship to the scale and measuring tape (hint: there is no relationship), and tips for easing the discomfort without extending the period of time needed for water retention.

SKAGMAN: FLICKR.COM

Sub-Optimal Intake and Getting Stuck

If you have been slowly increasing your calorie intake to get to the minimum required intake guidelines*, you may already be experiencing some water retention and weight gain.

Often, patients panic and assume that if they are gaining on a less than the optimal amount for recovery, then they cannot increase their calories further because they will gain more/faster/too much.

The reason you can begin to retain water and gain real flesh and bone on less than optimal amounts of food intake is because your metabolism is suppressed.

Your metabolism is not broken.

Your metabolism is doing exactly what it needs to do to keep you alive. As already mentioned in the previous blog on Extreme Hunger, when you restrict either through eating too little and/or exercising too much your body does two things to keep you going:1) stops whatever biological functions it can to save energy and 2) takes energy from fat tissue, bones, muscles, organs and nerves to fill the void. The way it stops running non-critical biological functions is to drop the metabolic rate.

The body likes to be conservative and so it will not raise the metabolic rate when you are eating between 1000-2000 calories a day but it will take whatever extra energy that would normally go to biological functions and replenish the fat tissue with it instead. Being conservative in this way the body protects you from organ failure in cold weather (due to hypothermia).

You will not gain real flesh and bone faster at higher food intakes. You need higher food intakes to provide energy for physical repair and not just for restoring your weight. The recommended minimal intake guidelines are used in inpatient and outpatient settings for recovery from restrictive eating disorders around the world.

The issue is not whether you are clinically underweight or not. The issue is whether you are underweight relative to what your body deems is your optimal weight set point.

While you can restore your weight at sub-optimal intakes, you cannot repair all the damage and enter a robust and hopefully permanent remission that way.

But before you go any further in your efforts, you need to know about re-feeding syndrome.

!OGAN-PAIG3(-: FLICKR.COM

Re-Feeding Syndrome: Risks and Symptoms

First of all, re-feeding syndrome is rare. It’s rare even with the most severely emaciated and ill patients in hospital settings. However when it happens, it is life-threatening and requires immediate medical attention. It is easily remediated in a hospital setting, but you need to get there fast.

Re-feeding syndrome is when the electrolytes go completely out of whack and it is most likely to occur in the early phases of a recovery effort.

If you have been consuming under 1000 calories a day for more than 5 days; if you have a history of purging; if you have been abusing laxatives and/or diuretics, then you must increase your intake slowly and be monitored by a physician until you get to 2000 calories every day.

You increase your calories in 200-calorie increments every 2-3 days. Once you are at 2000 calories, then (with physician approval) you can jump to recovery guideline amounts immediately.

Re-feeding syndrome is not subtle and you will feel very, very ill. You will want to stay in bed. You will be feverish, clammy and nauseous. You may likely vomit and you will experience severe swelling of the hands and feet. If you have these symptoms, call for immediate emergency help. As I mentioned, it is quickly rectified but you need immediate intervention.

I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE: FLICKR.COM

The Scales and Measuring Tape: Loyal Friends to the Eating Disorder

The scales and the measuring tape are two of the eating disorder’s most favored torture implements to get you to cower right back into a relapse.

There will be all manner of reasons you will come up with why you think your situation is the exception and why you need to monitor your weight or measure the changes in your waist or thighs. These are all reasons that have been dreamt up by your eating disorder and have been applied by thousands before you (unsuccessfully) and will be applied by thousands more after you as well.

And while of course I hope to spare you the panic and terror you will experience when you step on the scales and see 16 lbs. have magically shown up in just 3 days from the start of your recovery effort, sadly I cannot.

But I can tell you, when you invariably do step on the scales or weigh yourself, that it is not physically possible to gain ____ (fill in your amount here) amount of weight in ____ (fill in time span here) and that you need to get rid of the scales altogether.

I can also tell you that you do not need to weigh yourself at all in recovery. You have nothing to monitor because your weight will stop increasing as soon as you reach your body’s optimal weight set point. Yep. No exceptions.

I can also assure you that when you tell me ____ (fill in the weight gain here) seems too much, too fast, unique, unusual, never seen before—it is indeed water retention.

And finally, I am so phenomenally omniscient that I can predict that none of the past six paragraphs will mean a thing to you and you will have to post in the Is This Normal?  forum on this site to ask whether: 1) Am I almost done in my recovery process (because I am almost at a normal weight)? or 2) So scared—is this weight gain going to slow down? or 3) This can’t all be real weight, right?

However, I may just send you back here at that point for the answers: 1) No 2) Yes 3) Right.

SHANNONKRINGEN: FLICKR.COM

WHY DOES EDEMA HAPPEN IN RECOVERY?

When you twist your ankle badly it swells up and it hurts. These are symptoms of healing. The swelling is water retention and the pain is the reaction of the tissues to that swelling that signals you to stay off the ankle and rest.

The water retention in recovery is fluid being retained in areas where a whole mess of damage is being cleaned up and removed by all those fabulous cells dedicated to the task. The fluid actually speeds up the process because things travel faster in and out that way.

Think of it as your own personal City of Venice and all the damaged, overworked, cells that have been on shift for months (because restriction means no back-up cells are available to takeover) are now hopping on the gondola and heading out for retirement (finally).

And the sore is the body's way of trying to keep you immobile—it’s a bit harder for the gondolas to do their job if you either flush all the water away with diuretics or you decide to ignore the pain and slosh everything all over the place instead.

Sore is the signal to rest.

That swelling is a badge of healing honor.

You do not want to try to make the water retention go away because with it will go the healing process as well.

*~DAWN~*:FLICKR.COM

TIPS TO MANAGE EDEMA

The first thing to accept is that the body needs you to rest. You have to chill. Relax.

Ideally spend most of your time sitting with your feet up, lounging or lying down.

Eat a lot. Snack constantly. The more energy you provide, the faster those gondolas move nutrients into the area for repairs and damaged cells away from the area as well.

Put nothing on that doesn’t have elastic and lycra. Stretchy and floaty clothes are your best friends.

Don’t use diuretics. Ever. If the swelling is very painful and you still have things you have to do, then (with a doctor’s o.k.) consider compression socks, hose and garments to ease the pain while still allowing the healing to continue.

Nap and sleep as much as you possibly can.

Donate your clothes. Never try on clothes that once fit you. There are several really good reasons for that. First of all, if they fit then you are not recovering. Secondly, if they don’t fit you will get upset despite the fact that it is a clear indicator you are recovering. Thirdly, only weighing yourself or measuring your dimensions is worse than trying on old clothes when it comes to handing a relapse on a silver platter to the eating disorder.

Remember how I mentioned that you to get rid of the scales and the tape measure? Well, it’s worth repeating. Do not weigh yourself or measure yourself. If you are being supported through recovery with a treatment team, then make it very clear you want blind weigh-ins—that means that you do not face the scales and only your treatment team is aware of exact progress.

Use this time to journal. Investigate all the aspects of yourself that have gone by the wayside, or perhaps never even had a chance to flourish.

Have regular massage therapy sessions as they are especially useful for easing some of the edema-related pain while not interfering with the healing progression. Furthermore, massage therapy is clinically proven to help those with restrictive eating disorders have less anxiety about body image, weight gain and food intake and less desire to practice restrictive behaviors when the anxiety strikes as well.

If you do experience mini-relapses throughout recovery, and almost everyone does, then be prepared for a few rebound days of water retention—obviously restriction causes damage and the body has to fix it. But you will return to where you were in your recovery process within a few days of getting back onto your recommended food intake guidelines*.

The edema will end. The water, bloating and swelling will all dissipate. Of course it won’t mark the end of the recovery process, but it does mark the end of Phase One.  

*Minimum Recommended Intake Guidelines for Recovery:

a) Females under the age of 25: 3000 calories and sedentary.

b) Females 5’0”-5’8” over the age of 25: 2500 calories and sedentary.

c) Males under the age of 25: 3500 calories and sedentary.

d) Males over the age of 25: 3000 calories and sedentary.

e) Females over 5’8” over age 25: 2700 calories; under age 25: 3200 calories.

f) Females over age 25 and under 5’0” as well as post-menopausal women can lower the minimum intake to 2300, but more is always better. 

Too fat to have an eating disorder?

If you've ever felt this way, or are still feeling this way, don't worry I won't judge you because I know and understand this feeling. I've had it before too. "You people are blind, I'm not even that skinny". Well but today I'm going to challenge that disordered thought of yours. This post's title is a lie by your disordered mind. It's a BIG FAT LIE.

Firstly we all agree an Eating disorder is a psychological illness right? Well that's a fact so you can't disagree haha. But yes, it is a psychological illness, not an illness caused by viruses or bacteria. It's all in the mind. What is a psychological illness? 

(Click To Enlarge)

A psychological illness is an illness causing disordered habits. Yes, purging food, not eating, excessively counting calories, over exercising, anxiety attacks over food, over obsession with food, and fearing foods are disordered habits. As long as they hinder your day to day life, it indicates something is wrong. If you find yourself panicking when you just ate a bowl of unknown-amount-of-calories food, then yes its not normal.

Secondly, when you have an eating disorder, you actually do think you see yourself larger than you actually are. Look at a photo of you and yourself in the mirror, sometimes you'll be shocked at how different the both of "you" look. "How can this be? My eyes can't be like having distorted lenses of anything." Well, I mean eating disorders are technically referring to disordered minds.

I can't actually explain that but honestly, try asking an anorexic that you find disgustingly skinny and ask them if they feel too skinny. well, I'm 98% sure (unless they're in recovery and recovering well) that they'll say they aren't THAT skinny. If you ave like many people telling you how skinny you are, they aren't lying, your mind is.

Another thing, not all people with eating disorders are underweight. I mean when I first started having a disordered lifestyle i was healthy weight, then I became like a total disgusting skeleton (I looked like 20 years older than my age, disgustingly pale and technically, I only had like admirers when i was at a healthy, pre-ed weight. hahahaha). You can't say I didn't have an ED until I reached that pathetic state right? Like lets say having stage 2 cancer doesn't mean no cancer or minor depression does not mean no depression.

Sometimes 2 disordered habits cross out each other, lets say binging and purging. Binging, then purging cancels out each other so sometimes you won't loose nor gain weight. Doesn't mean that's not a disordered habit right! I mean if I told you I have 5 binge episodes everyday and purge 4 times a day, if you tell me I don't have an eating disorder just because I'm not underweight, you're worse than dense. Really. Ask a 4 year old and I'm sure they'll tell you it's just horribly, well, disordered.

Again I'd like to re-emphasize that an eating disorder is a psychological illness alright! So if you ave an eating disorder please don't listen to the disordered thoughts. You know which are the negative thoughts really, because we all have this "voice of consciousness" in us telling us right from wrong.

When your mind tells you you're fat, IT'S LYING.

When your mind tells you you can never recover, IT'S LYING.

When your mind tells you you're just being healthy, IT'S LYING.

When your mind tells you you won't die if you continue, IT'S LYING.

When your mind tells you you will stop loosing weight when you reach a goal weight, IT'S LYING.

Even if you have to make a conscious effort, even if it's awkward, even if you have to force yourself to, whenever the negative thoughts come to you, BATTLE IT. Usually people with ED like to always be better than someone else, because we all feel insecure. Please don't feel ashamed by this fact because really, it's not you. It's the disorder. YOU ARE NOT YOUR DISORDER, YOUR DISORDER WILL GO AWAY. 

So whenever your disordered thoughts come, challenge them. (e.g.) :

"You're so fat why do you need to gain weight?" 

"Statistics, reliable, scientific reports show that I am NOT fat, and I'm at risk of dying." 

"If those were true you'd be dead already. You're special, you're stronger than the other average people you won't die that easily."  

"Yeah right. What makes you say that? I'm not an immortal, and you are a disorder, you lie to me. You've been lying since day one. You told me I will stop loosing weight when i hit xx kg but now I'm much lower than that and you tell me I'm fat. Listening to you makes me a weakling, disobeying you makes me a winner. Because listening to you is easier than defying you. And every change is decisive, not natural. I didn't naturally develop an eating disorder. People don't naturally get depressed. If that was the case why isn't xx having an eating disorder? Or depression? Look at my classmates, they're all healthy and happy. You are a liar, and you should go away. I'm not listening to you because I'm not gonna become a slave to you."

Stay strong lovelies, you aren't too fat to have an eating disorder. Whenever you feel this way, think of your disordered habits. Think of your best friend telling you they did those disordered habits. Then think, do you think they have a disorder? 

Weight is NO indicator of the degree of an eating disorder.

Selfishness vs Self Rights

It seems to me that a lot of us are way too nice people (HAHAHAHA). Like the book Biting Anorexia (book quotes and book review are on previous posts on this blog!) says "the people who hate themselves have the least reasons out of everybody. It seems as though as soon as someone is given a brain to think deeply with an emotionally sensitive core, they end up hating themselves. Which, I think, is a reflection of the society, not them." I totally agree. Many of us struggling with a psychological illness hate ourselves because of the society. But why should we? Why should we determine our value and worth and self love on this sickening hypocritical society, in which we can SEE the horrible side of and many other people don't? 

But often we feel so selfish when we do certain things. Like when we know a friend's the trigger we are caught in a dilemma. What do we do?

Well firstly let's see the difference between selfishness and self rights? 

SELFISHNESS - devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others. 

SELF RIGHTS - to care for your own wellbeing (the state of being comfortable, healthy, or happy.)

First things first, the fact that you are in a dilemma shows that you're NOT SELFISH. If you were you would just do whatever "regardless of others". Don't go all humble and tell me that's different okay. No one can have double standards here! I am not selfish, neither are you. Thankfully. 

Secondly, like the definition above, self interest (or self rights) is to care about your own wellbeing. And well brim is defined as one's comfort, health and happiness. If staying with a friend who is triggering is uncomfortable, you're disregarding your comfort because there'll be tension. Your health is threatened too because you may get triggered. And your happiness will obviously be affected I mean you've got an additional "demon of negativity" to fight! 

This doesn't mean you have to hate the person though. it's like radiation waves, you can't completely avoid it but you can distance yourself from it and stay away as much as possible, put up preventive measures to protect yourself. Furthermore if you hate the person you'll only make yourself unhappy right? You'll only get yourself mad and grouchy! Just go easy on yourself, these kind of people aren't worth getting mad over! Distance yourself from the target and don't let the trigger pull! Because a trigger doesn't mean it must be pulled right!

So what do you tell the person? Well I don't know actually. Let's say you could tell thee person kindly that her words makes you triggered if she knows your condition. If she doesn't understand explain that her words "activate" that voice in your heads that makes you mad at yourself. 

Or you could reason with them on why the things they say are actually false, example :

"starving yourself is the most effective way of gaining weight", 

"but after that naturally your body will be deprived then you'll start binging! It's scientifically proven actually and I read it on a magazine before. I think balance and exercise is better plus you get times abs! Oh my Gosh did you ever see xxx's abs?! DAYUM GIRL .... <changes topic>" hahaha! 

If not, simply act busy and walk away. Or go with other friends! If you aren't comfortable with anyone else, go find a quiet place alone to read or study or eat or something? I like to enjoy books when I'm alone because no one will "disturb the storyline"!

Either way, please do take care of your well being. If you don't take care of your wellbeing, THATS being selfish. To your parents, to the people who love you, to God. How would you feel if someone you loved didn't take care of themselves? Of they fell and injured very badly but refused to go for a check up? For me I'd be hopping mad! 

So now you see, sometimes our ed voices make use of our conscience to make us feel guilty and abuse ourselves. Now with this awareness please don't fall into ED's trap and don't get tricked alright! Don't be selfish and forsake your own wellbeing! 

Gaining Weight Too Fast?

Well a lot of us have come to accept the fact we need to gain weight. A lot of us have made a lot of effort to work towards it. But sometimes when we check our weights, we end up exclaiming "Oh God! I gained this much in a week?!" and then the negativity seeps back in and we slide back down again.

Well it's really very common. But at this rate you're not gonna go anywhere! I just want to gain weight at a healthy pace. What IS the "healthy pace" you're talking about then? 0.1kg a week? If you gain weight too slowly, the damage your body is going to receive will be more severe than you think.

Let's imagine a machine. This machine requires fuel. It consumes fuel at a rate of 10ml per minute. It has some back up fuel though. You used to give it 15ml of fuel every minute until last year. Then in the past year, you haven't been giving it enough fuel so it has been running on its backup fuel. And now there's only 100ml of back up fuel left. When you start to pour back fuel, you're afraid of pouring more than 15ml of fuel per minute because its different from what you have done. This is normal because we're all afraid of change.

But now look, if you are gonna "start slow" and give it 5ml per minute only, it will still have to partially run on its back up fuel! If you stay at this stage for too long, don't you agree the fuel will just run out? Exactly the same point. If you put let's say 30ml per minute instead because you know that you have to restore some backup fuel for future too, isn't that much safer than the first situation of "starting slow" and end up finishing the fuel?

Use this analogy to understand this point : There is no such thing as gaining weight too fast in anorexia recovery / when you are underweight. Of course I know we are all human and we can't suddenly change overnight. It takes time yes. But make sure you don't stay too long in that stage of "adaptation" because it will be really very risky.

On the other hand if you are progressing too slow, you're also lingering in the "danger zone". When you're in a place where it is unsafe, you'd like to get out of it as soon as possible right? It's common sense. Why would people want to stay in that life-threatening place longer?

This is why we cant afford to "take our own sweet time" in our recovery because really, you need to quickly mend your boat before it sinks. Slowly mending the boat won't help much, the water is going to keep gushing in. It won't stop when it sees you start mending the boat. Likewise your body is still experiencing the damage of anorexia as you're recovering. So QUICK MEND YOUR BOAT BEFORE MORE DAMAGE IS DONE!

"I gained too much weight this week!" No, you didn't. That's Ana lying to you because after all you're in a war with her. No one wants to loose in a war, Ana's trying to trick you into believing her. Then she'll back stab you and WALA! , she'll win. You've fought this much, don't let your efforts go to waste. You choose what you believe in, so believe that there ISN'T such a thing as too fast a weight gain, but instead an accomplishment in mending your body this quick, and you'll make your recovery a lot less torturous and demoralizing.

Love Yourself

I know it's hard; with all these messages by the media that thin is beautiful, perfection is tall and slender fair skinned women you see on every other fashion magazine. But that's not true. And we all know that. But why does it still affect us even if we know it's not true? Well that's hard to explain honestly. Because I guess as humans we all want to be perfect because we know we're not. 

Well so why should you love your body? Or actually why shouldn't you hate your body? 

If you had a dollar coin, would you exchange it for a 20 cent coin that's shinier? Well if you would then please come to my house I'd love to trade all your dollars for a shiny 20 cents! But most of us wouldn't. Why? Because the dollar has more value! So what if the 20 cents coin is shiny? Does it improve in value? No! Well yes it may leave a more lasting impression in your mind but if someone stole a dollar from you, you'd more likely realize it than if someone stole a 20 cents from you right? Like wise, if you're that "normal dollar coin" rather than the "shiny 20 cents coin", you'd be more treasured by the people around you. If you were missing one day people would realize because you were of great value to them. Whilst the shiny 20 cent coin? Merely a pretty face that makes people stop and stare, but the impression they make only lasts a while. 

Also let's think of your body as a car. If you've only got 1 car would you drive carelessly? No right, because what would happen if you didn't have your car? You wouldn't be able to travel around fast or far. Would you not care if the fuel is running low? No because you wouldn't want it to die halfway on the road. Likewise take the car as your body. Why would you not take care of it well? Why would you skip your meals and deprive it of the energy it needs to run on? 

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, For you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. 

Last but not least, instead definitely the most important - Our bodies don't belong to us. We're like souls in rented bodies. When we die you don't take your physical body along but rather your soul goes somewhere. If you borrowed a friend's item you'd definitely take care of it right? Or who would ever want to lend anything to you ever again? Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is God himself as well. So can you imagine God living in you, suffering the pain because you don't love yourself? You're insulting God who created you. Also you're insulting that God stays in a horrible place. You're also being very irresponsible when you don't take care if yourself because you have to take care of the place God lives in. Furthermore you're making your family and friends worry, you don't want to be a liability right? 

And I guess this is a really dumb question to ask, but often we do the opposite of what we answer. Could you tell me :

Is someone who loves their body happier or someone who hates their body happier in life? 

Happiness is a choice. Love is a choice. Hate is a choice. You wouldn't love yourself any more if you were any thinner because you'd never be perfect and you'd never feel contented. So why sacrifice your happiness and endanger your life when you can choose to accept and love your body for how it is? If I told you I hate my body, what would you say to me? Now tell the same to yourself. Why do you have double standards? Exactly.

Love yourself and your body, your appearance is but temporary and your worth is not determined by your looks. You've only got one life and one body and one self, why waste it by hating it? 

Weight Restored = Re-Nourished?

All of us know we need to be weight restored, and for many it's like a milestone! When we restored our weight, it somehow appears like we have finished fighting the battle. (in which i don't fully agree.... In my blog post "Recovered?" I listed down what i feel makes a person determine if he/she's recovered) But nevertheless we all agree it's like a "checkpoint" in our recovery journey and something really worth celebrating! 

But is it true if you're at a healthy weight or weight restored you're healthy? No! Why? Well take for example you have a box with contents in it. The box weighs 40g in total (ignoring weight of the box). It could contain 40 sweets that weigh 1g each right? But it may also contain only 10 of those 1g sweets with other contents inside! The point is, you never know the composition of your body mass so no, weight restored or healthy BMI doesn't mean you're fully re-nourished!  Let's look at what MALNUTRITION is first!

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Malnutrition is a nutrient deficiency state of protein, energy or vitamins and minerals. it can cause harm to your body and it's functions. We tend to visualize malnutrition as solely affecting starving children in the developing world but it is common at home. 

There are 2 main types of Malnutrition :

1. PROTEIN-ENERGY MALNUTRITION (PEM)

This refers to inadequate protein intake. However patients wit PEM NOT NECESSARILY have too low energy intakes. This indicates that you could meet your daily caloric needs but still be malnourished!


2. MICRO-NUTRIENT DEFICIENCIES

Especially for Iron, Vitamin A, Iodine and Zinc! 

- Iron is important for producing Red Blood Cells and Myogolobin (a protein found in the muscle tissues). Iron deficiency can lead to anemia (low red blood count) and may be the reason some of  us, although weight restored, have yet to get our monthly periods.
- Vitamin A is essential for the eyes and immune system. Deficiency could lead to night blindness, immune deficiency and Increased childhood illness and death.
- Iodine are necessary for Thyroid Hormones. Deficiency could lead to Goitre (swelling neck or larynx, aka the voice box), Growth Restriction and Hypothyroidism (lack of thyroid hormones).
- Zinc is necessary for many enzymes and your immune system. Deficiency could lead to Immune Deficiency, Increased childhood illness and death and Acrodermatitis (childhood skin condition)


So I hope this explains why weight restoration or healthy BMI doesn't mean you're completely nourished! I feel that the best "DIY" indicator would be your monthly periods! Or else please go for a blood test because that definitely will be able to point out ant lack of nutrients in your body! :)

Recovered?

Well many people think there's no way to COMPLETELY recover from an eating disorder,
Some do believe it's possible but doubt it will happen to them.

But still I do encourage all of you to CHOOSE to believe that complete freedom from ED is possible! Even if you don't wholeheartedly believe in it, just tell yourself "I WILL BE COMPLETELY FREE FROM MY EATING DISORDER WHEN I RECOVER" because what you tell yourself repeatedly will make yourself believe in it.

This may sound dumb but look back; did you ever avoid a food just because you thought it was "high in calories" but now you realize that all along you've been eating something else actually even higher in calories than the food you've been avoiding? Because you've constantly told yourself that "this is high in calories i will not eat it", and that becomes "a fact" to you. And because it seems so true to you that you CHOOSE TO avoid eating it. It's a matter of what you CHOOSE to tell yourself and make yourself believe in. Tell yourself that IT IS POSSIBLE to completely get rid of the Eating Disorder voices and trust me, you will achieve it ultimately.

Also many of us face the trouble of defining when we have recovered and when we are still in recovery. To me, I believe I'm mentally totally recovered (By God's Grace). But you can ask "how can you tell if you're recovered?". I guess to be recovered, the following things are crucial to declare you a recovered EDwarrior...

RECOVERY CHECKLIST! 

☐ NO FEAR of foods anymore! Foods are no predators, why fear them?
☐ Ability to have unplanned meals everyday
☐ No anxiety when your food was ordered wrongly or orders were mixed up (unless you have allergies)
☐ Ability to socialize with people over food / no isolation from interactions
☐ Feel no need to be proud of eating something deemed "less healthy"
☐ Not constantly thinking about food throughout the day
☐ No researching up on food excessively (you will know the limits naturally)
☐ Won't think of what you ate throughout the day
☐ Enjoy celebrations and festive foods (not all but definitely you'll like some)
☐ No guilt in eating anything
☐ Won't deny that you feel like eating something "less healthy" (e.g. pizza, chocolate) when you feel like it
☐ Is grateful and happy instead of mad or anxious when someone randomly buys you food you like
☐ Won't contemplate for more than 1 minute to get a food or not (not applicable to choosing between foods, only for when choosing to get something or not)
☐ Feel lazy sometimes to exercise (YES THIS SHOWS YOU'RE HUMAN OK HAHAH)
☐ NO HESITATION WHEN YOU SAY YOU HAVE RECOVERED! 

Binging during Anorexia Recovery?

A common problem faced by recovering anorexics is "binging". I put inverted commas because it is NOT binging and i'm gonna tell you why :

1. It is INTUITIVE EATING (body's natural hunger)
After your body has starved for so long, when you start to satisfy your body's hunger by starting to eat more, the supressed hunger will surface. Take for example you have a friend whom upsetted you a few times due to incidents that occured where he made you angry or upset. Finally today he's tipped it off and upset you again and you decide not to bottle your feelings anymore. You start to scold him. Is it not likely that you'll dig up those past incidents where he had up upsetted you and use it? This is what supressed feelings do to you. Like suppressed anger, supressed hunger will surface all together that's why you will feel like you are binging. But it is perfectly fine and WILL PASS when your body re-nourishes and makes up for the lack of nutrients that it experienced the past few months.

2. You will NOT GET BINGE EATING DISORDER (BED)
Binge eating disorder is a disorder where a person cannot control eating AT ALL. If you are recovering from anorexia and have anorexic thoughts screaming at you, how is it possible to get BED?! No you won't develop BED I can guarantee because like i said it's Intuitive eating and it's a PHASE that is TEMPORARY.

3. You NEED to replenish the lacking nutrients and these "binges" are GOOD FOR YOUR RECOVERY 
Hard truth : you need to gain weight. You are NOT going to recover on 1200, 1500, or 1800 calories a day. Basic caloric needs of a woman is 2000~2400 and that is the bare minimum. But look you need more than that in recovery. Take for example you have to pay the bank 2200 everyday. But for the past 30 days you only paid 500 a day. Now you decide you should pay the right amount before the bank mortgages your house. Of course you need to pay those that you shortchanged in that 30 days on top of starting to pay what you are supposed to right?! Now read that story again but intepret the numbers in terms of calories. It's the same logic!

So don't worry anawarriors, you are NOT binging. Since your body needs the nutrients, and you probably only "binge" on what you like to eat, and in fact these "binge periods" are SUPER EFFECTIVE AND HELPFUL in re-nourishing your body, why worry!

And since you already "binged", DONT FEEL GUILTY, INSTEAD FEEL PROUD OF YOURSELF AND ENJOY IT! You CAN enjoy recovery, it's a choice you can make, like how i enjoyed recovery and intuitive eating because i enjoyed those periods of eating loads of my favourite snacks :P and feeling guilty what can you do? You can't rewind and "undo" that "binge" either right! ;)

Choose to enjoy recovery because why not ;)