It seems to me that a lot of us are way too nice people (HAHAHAHA). Like the book Biting Anorexia (book quotes and book review are on previous posts on this blog!) says "the people who hate themselves have the least reasons out of everybody. It seems as though as soon as someone is given a brain to think deeply with an emotionally sensitive core, they end up hating themselves. Which, I think, is a reflection of the society, not them." I totally agree. Many of us struggling with a psychological illness hate ourselves because of the society. But why should we? Why should we determine our value and worth and self love on this sickening hypocritical society, in which we can SEE the horrible side of and many other people don't?
But often we feel so selfish when we do certain things. Like when we know a friend's the trigger we are caught in a dilemma. What do we do?
Well firstly let's see the difference between selfishness and self rights?
SELFISHNESS - devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.
SELF RIGHTS - to care for your own wellbeing (the state of being comfortable, healthy, or happy.)
First things first, the fact that you are in a dilemma shows that you're NOT SELFISH. If you were you would just do whatever "regardless of others". Don't go all humble and tell me that's different okay. No one can have double standards here! I am not selfish, neither are you. Thankfully.
Secondly, like the definition above, self interest (or self rights) is to care about your own wellbeing. And well brim is defined as one's comfort, health and happiness. If staying with a friend who is triggering is uncomfortable, you're disregarding your comfort because there'll be tension. Your health is threatened too because you may get triggered. And your happiness will obviously be affected I mean you've got an additional "demon of negativity" to fight!
This doesn't mean you have to hate the person though. it's like radiation waves, you can't completely avoid it but you can distance yourself from it and stay away as much as possible, put up preventive measures to protect yourself. Furthermore if you hate the person you'll only make yourself unhappy right? You'll only get yourself mad and grouchy! Just go easy on yourself, these kind of people aren't worth getting mad over! Distance yourself from the target and don't let the trigger pull! Because a trigger doesn't mean it must be pulled right!
So what do you tell the person? Well I don't know actually. Let's say you could tell thee person kindly that her words makes you triggered if she knows your condition. If she doesn't understand explain that her words "activate" that voice in your heads that makes you mad at yourself.
Or you could reason with them on why the things they say are actually false, example :
"starving yourself is the most effective way of gaining weight",
"but after that naturally your body will be deprived then you'll start binging! It's scientifically proven actually and I read it on a magazine before. I think balance and exercise is better plus you get times abs! Oh my Gosh did you ever see xxx's abs?! DAYUM GIRL .... <changes topic>" hahaha!
If not, simply act busy and walk away. Or go with other friends! If you aren't comfortable with anyone else, go find a quiet place alone to read or study or eat or something? I like to enjoy books when I'm alone because no one will "disturb the storyline"!
Either way, please do take care of your well being. If you don't take care of your wellbeing, THATS being selfish. To your parents, to the people who love you, to God. How would you feel if someone you loved didn't take care of themselves? Of they fell and injured very badly but refused to go for a check up? For me I'd be hopping mad!
So now you see, sometimes our ed voices make use of our conscience to make us feel guilty and abuse ourselves. Now with this awareness please don't fall into ED's trap and don't get tricked alright! Don't be selfish and forsake your own wellbeing!
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