Biting Anorexia was a truly amazing book. It explores the mind of an anorexic and depressed 18 year old teen who first went through denial, then acceptance and the struggle to recover.
This book is super humorous and insightful, also very relatable to people suffering from these (stupid, annoying, torturous, perplexing, confusing) illness.
There are 3 parts to the book, the first being "the dark", the second "the grey" and finally "the light"
"The dark" is the part where Lucy first goes to psychiatrists. At that point in time the psychiatrists didn't think she had anorexia. This triggered her and it believe caused her to spiral deeper into this self destructive self. I'm sure many of us were in denial at first of our disorder, even if we didn't know it. That's why this book is so relatable and scarily realistic. Furthermore it was written based on Lucy's personal experience herself.
In "The Grey", Lucy initially still has some denial thoughts but eventually comes to accept her disorder and chooses to slowly recover for her dreams of becoming a lawyer. She slowly but surely realizes what anorexia has costed her (especially towards the aspect of her aspirations) and half heartedly chooses to recover. She relapses for quite a while and slips back many times. As the chapter progresses however, the positivity of Lucy is evidently increasing. It ends still not with a Lucy that is 100% positive though. In this part is also where Lucy starts to get interested in boys and vice versa, her long stagnant love life has finally started to slowly become alive.
In "The light", Lucy NOW (the recovered Lucy) gives us her thoughts and feelings about her life after beating this disorder. She gives tips on how to love yourself :
And also addresses the few topics below and I'll give a quote or two under each topic just to give you a outline of what she says :
• MAKE A CHOICE - ... You need to teach yourself to trust you again. It takes time. A long time. Your body is very clever. It will fix itself. It will reinstate it's appetite control. It will not let you balloon forever.
• LOOK FOR COLOURS - .... I keep incidents like this in my memory. I chuckle over them occasionally. Another little colored light to add to my life experience....
• INSANITY - You are not insane, you are anorexic. You are not hopeless. This is not you; this is the anorexia ....
• WATCH - keep your eyes and senses open....
• PILLS - .... Laxatives remove water weight. Not fat .... This is jut boycotting yourself. Adding more stuffing to the stuff-up-edness.
• LIES - ... "I'm glad to see your rosy cheeks back," my blood would beat through my ears. And I would think, oh shit I'm fat! No. You are just less pale. People are remarkably simple. We say what we mean unless we're trying to be smart or deliberately excluding someone from grasping our meaning. Colour is colour....
• BRAIN - The brain is the last to go and the lags to come back.... Don't expect your brain to work normally. Don't expect for it to work anytime soon. It takes a long time. Months and months. This is normal....
• EMOTIONAL PAIN - ... Eating at forst was like a self inflicted torture... It's so easy to give up at this point. So easy. But it isn't the way to go. If you go back, that is giving up. If you give up on the idea of recovery: that is a weakness. Because recovery is a lot harder than maintaining an eating disorder ever was. You have been trying to avoid life for way too long.... This is what you're doing. You must expel this demon.... It will not always feel like this. These are the awful, awful first pains.
• DEAD END - ... The very fact you're not getting anywhere is a step forward. You're not going backward....
• SHYNESS - ... Your mind is not the slightest bit interested in whether or not you can converse with people without hyperventilating. Your mind is trying to keep your body alive. Not until your body is healthier can your mind start mending itself.
• PERCEPTION - your perception is a lie... Before our brain recognizes an image, it is moderated by our emotional center... If you're convinced you're chubby, you will see yourself as such. Simple. But it isn't true. Anorexia is a psychological disease. Your mind is sick. Our perception is sick, twisted, perverted. You are sick.....
• OBSESSION - I was tortured everyday by food... hobbies that I slowly taugh myself to indulge in which helped me distance myself from my obsessions...
• IDENTITY - ... The thing is anorexia is strangling your "self".... It is only trough the recovery of your self that you can reintroduce your self to you. Carry on this way, giving in to the anorexia, and you can be sure it will kill any remnant of self you have left.
• FAILURE - We have to change our perspective on "failure". Marya Hornbacher in wasted writes : "it's hard to understand... That giving up is stronger than holding on, that 'letting yourself go' could mean that you have succeeded rather than failed..." The only "failure" I see is when we turn our backs on life and give in to the disorder...
Finally, Lucy ends by describing her recovered life. And it is truly admirable. Even reading it makes me more determined to reocover and live a life like hers :
This book in General is just AMAZING and INSPIRATIONAL. However though if you are easily triggered I sugges you don't read this until you are better or stronger in your mindset because her relapses may trigger you. I've learnt a lot from Lucy and believe you will too if you read this. :)
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